everything i ever wanted

everything i ever wanted

There are three categories of people: the ones who live in the past, the ones who live in the future, and the ones who live in the present. People don't necessarily stay in one category for the rest of their lives, but have anybody else find it hard to live in the present?

Tragedies happen every day and can happen to anyone. It is unhealthy to be so preoccupied with the past that cannot be changed. So I've been stopping myself from dwelling too long in the past and things that are beyond my control. But what about the future? The uncertain future that is so much more manageable and within your hands. The perfect job, home, car, lifestyle, people in your life...

It wasn't recently that I started obsessing about my perfect future; my future job, my future home, my future car, and the lifestyle I would live with that girl. It wouldn't be a problem at all if she weren't so unsure about the plans I made for us, which never fails to upset me. I have also been stressing out over maintaining good marks in university, and the sad job market for my field. Even when I think happy thoughts such as being able to get a nice job after I graduate, I realized that I will be working at least 40 hours a week, and would be living like a robot on weekdays. Life just doesn't seem to sound any better as you grow older.

It took me a while, but I finally realized that I have been too preoccupied with the future to enjoy the present. The present right now, is exactly what I wanted for myself back in the past: being successful in my academics, having a job so I can buy things that I want to buy, and being in a rewarding relationship. I have achieved "the future" I wanted from the past, yet I waste so much time stressing about the next "future" that I can't even enjoy it. What would be the point of striving for this "perfect (near) future" if by the time I achieve it, I won't even let myself enjoy it?

Just a friendly reminder that you should enjoy the present if you are the type to obsess with the future.

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Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day; a Hallmark holiday, a silly holiday reinforced by greeting card companies, florists and chocolatiers to rake in your money once every year…not even a holiday significant enough to receive double pay at work or have the public buildings and transit operate on holiday schedules. It makes single people who care about it feel bitter and extra lonely and it makes couples who care about it stress over having the perfect night planned out. I mean, sure it's got a bad side, but how many perfect holidays do the masses of people in North America celebrate? Somebody's always opposed to it one way or another. Traditional or not, Valentine's Day is now established as a holiday for love; it is the celebration of being together.

I'm sure you've heard it before: single friends getting together and enjoying a nice dinner to celebrate their love for their friendship. I'm not advocating for it to be about lovers showing off their love for each other but just a day to celebrate and appreciate having each other. Which brings me to my point...

It is quite frustrating to see somebody in a relationship opposing to celebrate Valentine's Day and explaining themselves by saying that it is not even a real holiday. I'm not saying they are wrong to say it is a holiday reinforced by the capitalist to take everybody's money...but if that is the part they are against then just avoid buying cards, buying flowers and buying chocolates. Skip out on any sort of present; there's no rule stating mandatory gifts or dining out. What is so wrong about having a day to celebrate being together and having each other?

So don't be so stubborn, just wish your partner a Happy Valentine's Day to show that you care. Don't act like a bitch with a stick up the ass going "We are not celebrating Valentine's Day." It may be a dumb holiday, but you are actually celebrating something you should be celebrating every day...the fact that you have each other. *vomits*

P.S - A month and a half late. Problem?

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the attractive piece of paper

the attractive piece of paper

how many people still believe in marriage these days? i don't have the statistics, but from what i am seeing, there are many who do not believe in marriage, even oppose marriage and refuse marriage. "why is a piece of paper so important to you?" ...why are you so afraid of that same piece of paper? why do you dislike this piece of paper so?

as long as two people are committed and love each other, a piece of paper shouldn't make a huge difference. but perhaps it isn't the piece of paper i want. when somebody proposes, they had taken the time to evaluate the relationship; they are formally telling the other person and themselves that they are committed and is looking for a future with both of them in it. when they are standing there in front of each other, making their vows, they will begin to look at each other differently; everybody there to witness it will begin to look at them differently as well. they are no longer a half-assed couple whom swore they love each other...they are formally recognized as a pair, as two people who decided to commit themselves to the other for a lifetime.

go ahead and laugh at the thought of a lifetime or doubt the thought of a lifetime. i am aware that there is a 40% divorce rate in Canada right now. but why is that? divorce doesn't occur when problems arise in the marriage; it doesn't occur when there are money issues, when bad habits become intolerable, or even with a case of adultery...divorce occur when the two people who vowed to stay together through thick and thin, through illness and good health, decide to give up on each other and their marriage over a few hardships. it will never be marriages' fault...it would only be the people's or person's fault for being so fucking weak and giving up on the game that requires both players. it would only be their fault for being afraid that all the time and effort would end up wasted anyway.

with that said, it is true that marriage isn't for everybody. it really is unfortunate that in the modern day we are being taught to simply seek "temporary happiness" as oppose to life-long accomplishments and satisfaction. people would rather give up to avoid unhappiness and to seek a quick dose of happiness elsewhere than communicate and compromise with one another to form a stronger and fulfilling bond.

many people told me i am much too young to be thinking about marriage and life-time commitments, told me that i should focus on my education so i will be ensured a decent job in the future. but seriously, some people put their career as their top priority...i'm just one of those who place my lover at the top of the list. both career and marriages are meant to last a life-time, despite the career changes and divorces, why am i always criticized for placing career second?

so in a nutshell, i believe in marriage.

p.s - don't even start the whole BS about a career being able to feed me and a love/marriage can't. if you place career at the top, it's not like you won't value a companion at all. if i place love and marriage at the top, it's not like i won't value having a career at all.

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my ambition

my ambition

i always wanted a steady office job sort of thing, paying me a decent salary and have set hours and a standardized list of activities i would cover in my career...namely becoming a probation officer. there aren't any surprises in terms of special projects or events within the job. no uniforms. 9-5 sort of day, and day offs on weekends possibly. nobody's supervising me on the spot, and i'm actually the authority figure for the majority of the day. i'd be able to work the day the way i want to work.

but what does a probation officer get promoted to if they've done a really good job with their work? surely to a supervising probation officer and the like...but...it's a dead-end job.

it's a really good point that she brought up, and i finally understand what she's been talking about when she told me that i lack ambition. but after thinking about it for a while, maybe our definitions for being ambitious is just different. i dream of a perfect future; i want a reliable car, a presentable home, a stable career and an enviable family. that's what i want and i will work hard to achieve it. that dead-end job i'm studying in university for will fulfill my goal of having a stable job. i am, in the end, ambitious in the definition that i am seeking and have this earnest desire to obtain my perfect future.

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my world doesn't revolve around the Sun.

my world doesn't revolve around the Sun.

i was aware how i tend to revolve many of my decisions around special someones, but the course enrolment thing made me double think what i'm majoring in. people think i enjoy history because i took it all throughout high school. but really...i don't. i took it because every year when it was time to pick our courses for next year again, i would ask that girl what she's taking and history would always be listed. i mean, her other courses were like french, visual arts and others that i am actually incapable of. lol, so history it was. when i had to pick courses for first year, i took mythology. it's not that i have no interest in it, but it was chosen because every time i see "greek mythology", i remember that girl telling me how she always read greek myths when she was younger. i also took business and society because she told me she's going to take a business class during her victory lap. right now...i'm working on switching to a double major so i can major in psychology along with sociology. the reason for doing so...? haha...i want to try to understand, why that girl is the way she is. sociology teaches me why societies are the way they are...but i realized i want to find out why people are the way they are more. i know, this is just an entry about school in general...and how that girl influences my area of studies. but that's the point. education is life these days...my education revolves around her, hence my life revolves around her. not exactly something to be proud of, but it's how i live my life. let me be.

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